This place

I'm sorry for everything that's happened Rachy. I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, for being dumb. I'm sorry for my flaws and imperfection, sorry for the idiocy I had. I'm sorry for getting mad at you before time without listening to the details, I'm sorry for not telling you I love you every second that I could have. I'm sorry for not agreeing to all of your requests, and for being so selfish. For being all the things you called me when we were mad at each other, because you know you meant them. And they're true... I'm flawed, very. But no matter how stupid we were, I would never regret everything we went through. Fights, everything, no matter how much it hurt and hurts. This place has given me tons of content, but also plenty of stress and I'm sure it has given you it too. I guess I finally cracked under pressure... And I'm sure if you reflect on all you've gone through. You'll find that I'm very right, and you've gone through it too. So I think I'm leaving, I got advice from a very wise man... He said:

"I've learned a lot in my 3 years here. It's been really interesting, I've had good times, and bad times. As I look back and balance them, I've realized this place has caused me problems I never saw myself getting into. I've been off for 6 months, and so I've had 6 months to look back, to see that this place has caused me large amounts of stress and content that I, as a Catholic, cannot believe I participated in at one point. I had morals that I completely disregarded, and I cannot take it anymore. So a warning to all of you still here, it seems laughable what I'm saying, and I felt the same way at some point in time, but in the end all that is waiting is destruction waiting to happen. Good luck to all of you. And goodbye."

Reading that made me reflect on my own past, how true he is and how much that applies to me. You were one of the most amazing people I ever met, despite your own flaws you were a great person. Smart, stubborn, fun... one of two people that meant and mean everything to me. Words can't explain everything you mean to me... and I know one of the things you would like to say right now "Quick! Say something funny to cheer me up!" but... I can't. Right now I'm dying, crying doesn't describe it. My nose is hard to breathe through, sobbing, coughing... my heart burns from the pain. And jokes and laughter are the furthest thing from my mind... I forgive you for everything you've ever done and I hope you forgive me for my own doings.

You are beautiful in every single way, smart, kind, perfect in your own ways. You mean everything to me Rachael... One sec hyperventilating. (God I hate emotional break downs) And no matter what we went through, good and bad... we always ended up "Safe and sound" (Song by Taylor Swift), I hope you remember it as one of our songs. And no matter what... I will never give up on you. I hope you remember all the songs I've sang to you, and told you, and dedicated to you/am dedicating to you right now.

Safe and sound - By Taylor Swift

Enchanted - By Taylor Swift

Say something - By a great big world

All of me - By John Legend

I hope you never forget me. Because I know I will never forget a person as amazing as you, I can never end expressing how I feel about you. Human words are not intense enough to describe it... When I was with you, I was happy... sad... everything... we were together. Roleplaying, having fun, time seemed endless. It seemed like those moments in life were going to be there forever, again and again... timeless. And now it seems like this never ending sadness is timeless as well. But I realize that our moments together really are... timeless. They are timeless in my memories, because nothing could make me forget them and I promise you the truth in that. Our time together is timeless in my heart... in me. I will never forget you Rachael, no matter how hard I try. No disease, no person, no thing can make me forget you. Not even past death will I forget everything we've been through, nor do I want to... those times are priceless, to worthy to be let go. So I hold them near me forever, timeless. And no matter if there are only 7 wonders in our world, in mine you will always be an 8th. Thank you... for everything.

-Your friend, Christian.

...
This story-message has a lot of background. Some too painful to talk about, some to beautiful to express. This was a true message I sent a friend, a bit refined to spare the audience reading this from extreme confusion. All the things that I said were actually happening, hyperventilating. My eyes hurting from sobbing, my heart hurting from the sadness. She was so much more than a friend, no she wasn't my girlfriend, nor was she family. But she was one of the few people that got so close to me to the point that I felt like she was family... you may think my reactions were all a hyperbole and exaggerations. But if you knew our backstory, if you knew how I felt about her. And no you don't know how I felt about her from this letter, words aren't intense enough and these only describe a small part. If you knew all this, you would understand and find my reactions justified. Possibly even wonder how I kept so calm. This only proves, there doesn't have to be kissing. No dating, nothing past friendship to be in true love. True love is much past words, much past physical things. True love is... indescribable, true love is what you would do anything for. And I truly loved her. Read--> True love